Aging Commentary Gifts

"Great... I'm roughly 60% wet"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

Breast Height Chart

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Ed's receding hairline!

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"I come from the future."

Don't have a hot flush....

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."