Aging Commentator Gifts

Jell-O: A Life.

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Take a pill so you won't be one.

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'He was an impressionist. Like that Alistair McGowan...'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

Fortune teller sits beneath a sign 'Wrinkles Read Here'