Aging Theory Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Last year we celebrated my uncle's 130th birthday. He couldn't be there. He died when he was 30.'

"Why bother?"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

A Freudian slip...

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

Aging Problems

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Complexity Made Simple.

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

Theory A Day Calendar.

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'I hate to break this to you, Clark, but your buns of steel have turned to jello.'