Age-defyer Pillows

fountain of youth

"You're right, they are statins."

He was never picked last because everyone always wanted Father Time on their side.

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

"I'm interviewing with a tech company today. I'll need extra age spot remover."

"If I'm over the hill, how come I never meet any valley girls?"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Look At Me I'm Still Wearing Shorts.

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

'IF this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever encountered.'

Old Biker: Now that I'm a real biker, all the old babes will want my body.

'I want something to make me look younger.'

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

"Sign here that you acknowledge the risks."

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'

Still hip, but not much hop.

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

Life and Death.

'You ask him to sing. I don't speak Italian.'