Age-defyer Gifts

fountain of youth

"You're right, they are statins."

He was never picked last because everyone always wanted Father Time on their side.

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

"I'm interviewing with a tech company today. I'll need extra age spot remover."

"If I'm over the hill, how come I never meet any valley girls?"

"That is not an anti-aging pill."

"It's my 39th birthday, and I'm not dealing with it well. What's wrong with me?"

"She just uses all that make-up to hide her age."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Look At Me I'm Still Wearing Shorts.

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'Eric! Look for his pressure point! He's got to have a pressure point somewhere!'

"You can't blow out the candles. You're rolled."

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

"I say if he wants to take up ballet, we should let him."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

'IF this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever encountered.'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

Old Biker: Now that I'm a real biker, all the old babes will want my body.

'I want something to make me look younger.'

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'