Age-defying Gifts

Getting older isn't the same as growing up.

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

"You're right, they are statins."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

Still hip, but not much hop.

Old age is crueller than you think kid!"

'You know you're 40 when...'

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

Wrong shelf.

"Of course I'm Cupid...that's an old picture!"

"I'm interviewing with a tech company today. I'll need extra age spot remover."

Detox meets Botox.

He was never picked last because everyone always wanted Father Time on their side.

"The only way she can still be in her twenties is if her birthday is 29th February!"

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

"When I turn 90, I am so experimenting with drugs."

'People your age tend to overindulge themselves to death — we doctors call them 'suicide boomers.''

"I win!" "You're amazing, grandma."

fountain of youth

'Er...the botox injections of Dorian Gray?'