Age-defying-divas Gifts

"The only way she can still be in her twenties is if her birthday is 29th February!"

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"

'It's hard to tell if that's part of the routine or just rheumatism.'

Still hip, but not much hop.

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

Out of order, Fountain of Youth

"In your case we’ll begin the facelift with an incision behind your right ear and extend it into the waiting room."

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

Getting older isn't the same as growing up.

'Mum, you just HAVE to stop lying about your age, otherwise everyone will think that you are younger than me!'

We are 50 going on 15...

'I used to be an old fogey, but now I'm post-modern!'

"I'm afraid it's two, three months, tops, before you're all pants."

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"

"This one sounds hot - says he's a 'sexagenarian'!"

'Without surgery, you'll just have to accept jowls and a turkey neck as part of the aging process, Narcissus.'

"I want just enough done that my phone will still recognize me."

"She thinks a cherry tomato makes her look younger, but she's not fooling anyone."

"I didn't mean to imply your laugh lines are funny, Mrs. Carpentier."

"I win!" "You're amazing, grandma."

'Met my sister for lunch the other day. She's actually beginning to show her age. Of course, not her real age.'

70 is the new 40