Age-defying Diva Gifts

Beauty fades, but implants last forever.

'Met my sister for lunch the other day. She's actually beginning to show her age. Of course, not her real age.'

70 is the new 40

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"In your case we’ll begin the facelift with an incision behind your right ear and extend it into the waiting room."

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

'Mum, you just HAVE to stop lying about your age, otherwise everyone will think that you are younger than me!'

"I didn't mean to imply your laugh lines are funny, Mrs. Carpentier."

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"

"She thinks a cherry tomato makes her look younger, but she's not fooling anyone."

"I want just enough done that my phone will still recognize me."

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

Still hip, but not much hop.

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

'You know you're 40 when...'

You are growing old

"I'm starting to look old."

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

Getting older isn't the same as growing up.

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'Warning: Objects in mirror may bear no relation to reality'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'I want to look ten years younger.'

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."