Age-defying Hopefuls Gifts

'Without surgery, you'll just have to accept jowls and a turkey neck as part of the aging process, Narcissus.'

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"Try to remember, you're not 70 any more."

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade."

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

'My doctor's given me the all-clear for our Reunion tour.'

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

She IS a raisin

"It's a digital tattoo. It changes every time it's no longer age appropriate."

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

Optimistic Aging...

'Prove it.'

Person who refuses to admit age on board. Feel free to drive with wild and reckless abandon.

Still hip, but not much hop.

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"

"75"

"Be honest- how does it look? I had to leave my laugh lines in for Bill."

'You know you're 40 when...'

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!