Age-defying Dater Gifts

"I always preferred older women but I've outlived them all..."

"This one sounds hot - says he's a 'sexagenarian'!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

Waterfall of Disappointment

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

She IS a raisin

"So tell me again where you're from."

'You must be Olivia.'

Still hip, but not much hop.

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

At Saltwater Sweeties Dating Service

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."