Age-defying Humor Lover Gifts

'I used to be an old fogey, but now I'm post-modern!'

"Why bother?"

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Birthday To-Do List

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"Hey. When I want your help, I'll ask for it."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"I'm starting to look old."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

'To absent teeth.'

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Kick me"

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

"On the other hand, if I die next week this isn't a midlife crisis."

"Of course 60 is the new 59."

"Who knew they had interns in the Hoover administration."