Age-defying Humor Lover Gifts

'I used to be an old fogey, but now I'm post-modern!'

"Why bother?"

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Birthday To-Do List

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"Hey. When I want your help, I'll ask for it."

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'It's hard to tell if that's part of the routine or just rheumatism.'

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'Humans age the same way we do, every year is equal to seven years. I know this because Timmy has had a family birthday party, an extended family birthday party, a friend birthday party...

"I'm starting to look old."

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

Nancy Pelosi Gets a Speakership By Agreeing to Just Four More Years. How Many Years Does She Have Anyway?

'When I was your age I was five and a hlaf years old.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

'To absent teeth.'

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Kick me"

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

How Fatherhood Affects Belt Height: Father/Grandfather/Great Grandfather.

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

"Who knew they had interns in the Hoover administration."

"Sorry, we're looking for someone younger. Someone who needs to pull a phone out of a pocket to tell the time."