Age-defying Humor Gifts

What's wrong, little buddy? Some stupid kid called me "old." I'm young! I've been young all my life! I'm good at it. I know all about being young. I've been young since way before he was even born. He's just jealous that I'm more experienced at it than he is. Might be time for us to have a little talk.

'It's hard to tell if that's part of the routine or just rheumatism.'

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

You're certain you've had plenty of experience serving in a fine dining restaurant?

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

'Humans age the same way we do, every year is equal to seven years. I know this because Timmy has had a family birthday party, an extended family birthday party, a friend birthday party...

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"I'm starting to look old."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

Nancy Pelosi Gets a Speakership By Agreeing to Just Four More Years. How Many Years Does She Have Anyway?

'To absent teeth.'

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

'I used to be an old fogey, but now I'm post-modern!'

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

"Of course 60 is the new 59."