Age-defying Humor Gifts

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

You're certain you've had plenty of experience serving in a fine dining restaurant?

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"I'm starting to look old."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'To absent teeth.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

'I used to be an old fogey, but now I'm post-modern!'

"Of course 60 is the new 59."

"Sorry, we're looking for someone younger. Someone who needs to pull a phone out of a pocket to tell the time."

"On the other hand, if I die next week this isn't a midlife crisis."