Age-defying Dater Pillows

"I always preferred older women but I've outlived them all..."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

Waterfall of Disappointment

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

Still hip, but not much hop.

'You must be Olivia.'

"So tell me again where you're from."

'Are you ready to be the winners?'

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

At Saltwater Sweeties Dating Service

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"