Age-defies Pillows

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

Old Biker: Now that I'm a real biker, all the old babes will want my body.

'IF this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever encountered.'

'I want something to make me look younger.'

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

"It's my 39th birthday, and I'm not dealing with it well. What's wrong with me?"

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"

Gym. Stay young through diet and exercise. I find it much easier to just lie about my age.

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

"She just uses all that make-up to hide her age."