Age Defyers Pillows

Detox meets Botox.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"You know I hate birthdays!"

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

Old Biker: Now that I'm a real biker, all the old babes will want my body.

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'IF this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever encountered.'

'I want something to make me look younger.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"It's my 39th birthday, and I'm not dealing with it well. What's wrong with me?"

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

'Try not to stare. Father Time hot hair plugs and botox.'

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'

"She just uses all that make-up to hide her age."

Gym. Stay young through diet and exercise. I find it much easier to just lie about my age.

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

"You should never ask her age unless it's carbon dating."

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'