Afterlife Satire Seeker Gifts

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"I'll have whatever they're having."

Special Place in Hell...

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

"Uh oh! I just remembered we were supposed to pick up the midwife."

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

"Of course we have unlimited data..."

I'm afraid of heights.

"User name and password?"

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

"Of that tree you shall not eat its fruit, lest you die -- plus I licked all the fruit to make it even less appealing."

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

"Don't you hate that? Now I think of the perfect last words!"

"Sorry. I'm molting."

'First of all, thank you for enrolling in our rewards program.'

"Murchison is still in denial."

'I led a long and happy life. Twenty business cycles.'

'Frankly, your credit score concerns me.'

'That was Larry...always trying to improve himself.'

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

"Roof, please."

Flight Insurance for Angels.

'You must be new here. Most of us just hang around in our bathrobes'

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'