Afterlife Satire Lover Gifts

"User name and password?"

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

Special Place in Hell...

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

I'm afraid of heights.

"Tell the Boss that we have a MAJOR computer glitch!"

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

'I didn't know Heaven had another entrance?'

"Murchison is still in denial."

'Frankly, your credit score concerns me.'

'That was Larry...always trying to improve himself.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'I was never convicted! Doesn't that count for something!?'

Man at Heavens gate being asked '...and what about the LBW decision on August 19th 1973...?'

"The first eight times it was curiosity. The last time I was run over."

"I'm seeing a lot of faint praise."

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'

'You must be new here. Most of us just hang around in our bathrobes'

'Sorry. No football supporters.'

'Can I be someone else's Guardian Angel? The guy's a bleeder.'

You should have got the hint when we denied your friend request.

Flight Insurance for Angels.