Afterlife Satire Lover Pillows

"User name and password?"

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"I'll have whatever they're having."

Special Place in Hell...

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

"Tell the Boss that we have a MAJOR computer glitch!"

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

"Murchison is still in denial."

'I didn't know Heaven had another entrance?'

'I was never convicted! Doesn't that count for something!?'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

Man at Heavens gate being asked '...and what about the LBW decision on August 19th 1973...?'

'You must be new here. Most of us just hang around in our bathrobes'

'Sorry. No football supporters.'

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'

"Well, well, well... We meet again at last!"

'Whoops! I forgot to warn you about the soft spots up here.'

"I'm seeing a lot of faint praise."