Adventures In Absurdity Gifts

"Okay, these people are financing a big part of the movie, so during the lovemaking scenes, try not to drop the snow shovels."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"I need to tinkle."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Tourists and their Pets.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Glance Exchange

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Now you can send it."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"Who's next?"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Imagine

"Valet park only"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

One way only.

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"It's my helper trout!"

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Baseball.

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

Operation.

UFO and snowman

"I like fountains very much!"

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

'You need some stress.'

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"