Explorer Of The Absurd Gifts

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

"Sorry. I was expecting the lady. I can see you're busy. I'll call sometime. We'll do lunch."

'Go on,admit it - you're lost aren't you?'

Newark. Ray.

Khan Hunt

Tourist is told to go home by a monument

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Crab with a clown face.

"Now you can send it."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Salvador Dali's cats.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

Baseball.

Operation.

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

"At last! - A text from Godot!!"

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

Trapeze artists commuting

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

The Bonvoy Age...

''Tough crowd in tonight!''