Explorer Of The Absurd Gifts

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

"Sorry. I was expecting the lady. I can see you're busy. I'll call sometime. We'll do lunch."

Newark. Ray.

Tourist is told to go home by a monument

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Crab with a clown face.

"Now you can send it."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

Operation.

Baseball.

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

"At last! - A text from Godot!!"

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

Trapeze artists commuting

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

The Bonvoy Age...

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."