Adult Relationship Humorist Gifts

Man locked in latex costume

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

May all your birthday wishes come true..

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

Always Compatible

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."