Adoption Humorist Gifts

'Dad, am I adopted?'

"Yes, son, it's true. You were adopted."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Scuba cow"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Hats and Food

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

No jay walking.

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"