Adoption Humorist T-Shirts

'Dad, am I adopted?'

"Yes, son, it's true. You were adopted."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Yes, one is a dog."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Jurassic Pork.'

Hats and Food

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Scuba cow"

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."