Admissions Strategist Gifts

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Do your research!

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"How was work?"

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

Good Luck!

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

"I'm thinking that now is a good time to start those tutoring sessions."

A man sitting in the grass reading

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'I've gotten over my fear of tests, but now I seem to have developed studying anxiety.'

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

Boho Bribes

Don't you hate finding out that the kid you copied those test answers from is even dumber than you are.

'I'll make a good lawyer. I know how to go for the jugular.'

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

"How can you study while listening to music and TV at the same time?"

"In preparation for the AP English Literature test, I've focused my reading on books reflecting a common idea, that they end in fewer than 200 pages."

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'Her special Talent is sulking.'

Do as many study days as you can

'Who do I talk to about getting a student loan?'

'Actually this is a very experimental college. We have no curriculum and no classes. How it works, essentially, is if you want to learn something, you go someplace and you learn it.'

"Now that my college of choice no longer requires the SAT, I'm relying more than ever on grade inflation."

'You mean I have to learn it as well?'

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'