Admissions Strategist T-Shirts

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Do your research!

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"How was work?"

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

Good Luck!

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

"I'm thinking that now is a good time to start those tutoring sessions."

A man sitting in the grass reading

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

'I've gotten over my fear of tests, but now I seem to have developed studying anxiety.'

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

Don't you hate finding out that the kid you copied those test answers from is even dumber than you are.

'I'll make a good lawyer. I know how to go for the jugular.'

Boho Bribes

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

Bio. Your paper on photosynthesis is due Wednesday. English. The quiz on Thoreau's nature writing is on Wednesday. History. Read the chapter on how frontier expansion affected the environment for Wednesday. Teachers have totally polluted Earth Day.

"In preparation for the AP English Literature test, I've focused my reading on books reflecting a common idea, that they end in fewer than 200 pages."

"How can you study while listening to music and TV at the same time?"

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

'Her special Talent is sulking.'

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'Who do I talk to about getting a student loan?'

Do as many study days as you can

'Actually this is a very experimental college. We have no curriculum and no classes. How it works, essentially, is if you want to learn something, you go someplace and you learn it.'

"Now that my college of choice no longer requires the SAT, I'm relying more than ever on grade inflation."

'You mean I have to learn it as well?'