Ad-free Enthusiast Gifts

'I'd like a newspaper with no car, house or mobile phone adverts in it.'

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

As Seen Watching TV

"People will pay anything to get away from it all. These babies don't even have WiFi on them."

"There's no phones, social media, selfies, reality TV, online trolls, political-correctness or fake news."

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."

"Let's bury the TV remote and all the cell phones, then sit back and watch what happens."

"We're ready to give the verdict....after the commercial break."

'I hate these commerical breaks!'

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'

"Hello, police? I'd like to report some suspicious activity. A youth without a phone in his hand."

Marv's Preowned Vehicles...That new car smell can kill you! - Buy Used!

COUNCIL OF ECONOMIC ADVISORS, 'Have we tried product placement?'

'Thank you for picking me as your ATM machine...but before I dispense your money, here's a word from Ed's Bar & Grill...'

"I even had commercials in my dream last night."

It's the perfect advertising image of marital bliss. All we need is the disclaimer 'PROFESSIONAL ACTORS - DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.'

'So, please, dig a little deeper and help us get rid of pop-up ads for good.'

"Now just say the first thing that comes into your mind."

Want to be like 'White Fang'? Brush with Calgote!

'Customers are calling 911 about our product. They need the Jaws Of Life to get into the packaging.'

'Yeah, neighborhood crime. That's what I watch all the time 'cause our TV is broken.'

'I can't identify with any brand emotionally!'

I've got no cell phone, no computer, no grumbling wife, no stupid boss. Feel free to envy me.

"Stop trying to close all the popup windows, John... just come to bed!"

"Remember, Goodwin, it's a real jungle out there."

'For Heavens' sake, Murray! Corporate identity isn't bad, but do you really have to do this on every commercial spot from your company?'

"Mom, I can't take the stress of social media. I'm running away from my home page!"

' I don't care if their ad says they stand behind every bed they sell, I want him out of here...'

Teleshopping

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

'Why don't you guys go out and play catch?"