Ad-averse Aficionado Gifts

We're just sitting here feeling lucky to be targeted by advertisers and not be terrorists.

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Important Food Groups

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

News for Sale

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Eat Beef

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

Honesty in retail

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Gullib-Os

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

"Here's the marketing department's solution."

'With 5% spent on talent, 5% on production, and 90% on marketing...I smell WINNER!'

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

SupermarketAwful Market.

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

I can now come clean. The person who secretly told me that Mitch McConnell loves Dr. Pimple Popper is … Hold it! Hold it? Commercial break. Nothing' says sexy like cholesterol.

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

'We've gone over your budget very carefully, Mr Thorne. Unfortunately the network does not sell 7-second spots.'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

Man selling lamb weekly