Accounting Aficionado Gifts

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

Home Business - Accounting Software.

T-shirt slogan: 'I survived the audit.'

"I'm a soul trader."

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

"As your accountant I'd advise you to hunt, gather, and invent the tax shelter."

'Bills in dog hours...7 times more expensive.'

"This isn't regular Hell. This is Tax hell, where you'll be audited for all eternity."

I.R.S. -Please wear clean underwear in case you are hospitalised.

"The hunting figures add up, but it looks like someone's been doing a little gathering off the books."

"And, who is this Alice Chalmers that you've started spending money on?"

Accounting Dept: Red ink

'Come quickly, sir! - Accounting is having an ennui attack!'

"No, he's not one of ours. Have you tried accounting?"

"Oh, the doctor does keep up. He gets accounting magazines on the latest billing methods."

Sheep Ledger

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

"What's a debenture?"

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

Stock market investment advice

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

'There are only three things that matter in this world, son... bottom line...'