Audit Aficionado Gifts

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'You're sure you've conducted an internal audit before?'

C.S.I.R.S.

'I've invested my heart and soul in this company. I need a receipt for tax purposes.'

"This was not in the Audit Plan."

"You're being audited. Are you nervous?"

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"Fine, tough guy - you don't want to talk to me? I've got auditors - IRS auditors - right outside that door."

'I can audit any man in the house!'

"Do I need to file an amended return?"

"Carpe De Revenue!"

"Stop me if you've heard this before."

"Can they tell I cheated on my taxes?"

'First, I want you to get your dependents off my desk.'

'Why no, Mrs. Henderson, we NEVER shred documents!'

'No campaign contributions to deduct? -- Tsk, tsk, tsk....'

'I'd like to investigate your tax return.'

'What about those pennies on your loafers?'

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

Audit of Losses

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'