Accommodation Reviews T-Shirts

"This is a bend and breakfast. You sleep on a cafeteria table."

Can't Touch This

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Bed & Bagel'

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

Bed and Breakfast and Couch and Coffee

'There is a $15 baggage fee... a $15 airport improvement fee... a $15 full body scan fee... a $15 pat-down fee...'

"Could I possibly get a bigger room?" (man bent over backwards).

"How much would it cost if I don't take classes but just live in a dorm with a meal plan?"

'Nope...1443 bloggers have already panned it.'

'No, Janet, there is no mini-bar--but we do have mini-baccarat.'

"Have you tried Trip Advisor?"

"I thought you said you paid extra for a cabinet with a Seaview."

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

"There's a gender neutral toilet under the bed."

Praise for "OCTOBER SUN"

"Well, thanks for the box of raisins, but we can't promise you a very good Trick or Treat rating on Yelp."

Feedback Card: How was your death?

'When you lie here you can see why it's called a Four Star Hotel. That's how many stars you can see through the hole in the roof!'

"According to one of the reviews on Trip Adviser the beds aren't very good."

Asian Travel: 'Absolutely do NOT book anyplace without a western toilet!'

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."

"I'm starting to think those rave reviews about this place are rigged."