Accommodation Reviews Pillows

"This is a bend and breakfast. You sleep on a cafeteria table."

Can't Touch This

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Bed & Bagel'

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

Performance reviews in Hell.

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

"Airbnb?"

Anyone else think the movie was better? Book club bouncer.

Bed and Breakfast and Couch and Coffee

'There is a $15 baggage fee... a $15 airport improvement fee... a $15 full body scan fee... a $15 pat-down fee...'

"Could I possibly get a bigger room?" (man bent over backwards).

"How much would it cost if I don't take classes but just live in a dorm with a meal plan?"

"You do realize this may affect my review of you on Yelp?"

'Nope...1443 bloggers have already panned it.'

"Have you tried Trip Advisor?"

"There's a gender neutral toilet under the bed."

Frank and Ernest's tips for travelers. When traveling makes you congested ... call rheum service. Sniff.

Praise for "OCTOBER SUN"

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

"I thought you said you paid extra for a cabinet with a Seaview."

'No, Janet, there is no mini-bar--but we do have mini-baccarat.'

"Well, thanks for the box of raisins, but we can't promise you a very good Trick or Treat rating on Yelp."

Feedback Card: How was your death?

'When you lie here you can see why it's called a Four Star Hotel. That's how many stars you can see through the hole in the roof!'

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."

Asian Travel: 'Absolutely do NOT book anyplace without a western toilet!'

Multi Cinema. First, I was afraid I might fall asleep. Then I was afraid I might not fall asleep!

Hotel: Price List