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"Tell me, why does your advert say, 'Fit young lodger required'?"

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

'Yeah, strictly speaking it's a hole, but I prefer to think of it as a bijou hole.'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

'Bed & Bagel'

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

"Yes, 650,- euro net rent is a pretty good price and it's a very nice house... By the way, I'm talkins about this house, sir."

'I seem to be on the range but 'home' is proving illusive.'

"I know it's small and expensive, but wait till you see all the Pokemon."

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

"It's a little bit small,but it's got great cross ventilation."

Bed and Breakfast and Couch and Coffee

"Could I possibly get a bigger room?" (man bent over backwards).

"With finances the way they are we had to give up the idea of a family holiday this year."

Frank and I are looking into moving to that new condo that went up next door

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

'No, Janet, there is no mini-bar--but we do have mini-baccarat.'

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

'The former occupants were a little rambunctios, but we'll redecorate the apartment for you.'

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

"This is a bend and breakfast. You sleep on a cafeteria table."

"There's a gender neutral toilet under the bed."

"It's a bottomless pit of despair, washer/dryer in unit."

'The owner says you can stay free the first month if you can find his lost TV remote.'

Asian Travel: 'Absolutely do NOT book anyplace without a western toilet!'

"One BHK, two baths, and sixty three plug points."

"Is it me, or as the rent goes up, does the apartment actually shrink a little?"

'I'm looking for an apartment near an ATM. I always run out of money by week's end.'

Sound Apartment

Astronaut Escapes Earthly Wars.

'I'm afraid we can't let you have any holidays but I can turn the heating up if that will help.'