Accident Worrier Gifts

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

I.T. Fear

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

'I can't sleep for thinking about global warming.'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

"I woke up early, took a shower, got dressed for work then remembered I don't work today."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"Crap in" and "crap out"

No Action Comics

The Circle.

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

'Stan, perhaps you can stop into my office on Monday. I don't want to ruin your weekend.'

Credit Crunch.

"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

Worried about the future? We have worst-case-scenario funds!

'My credit card number is none of their beeswax!'

"I was thinking about what we should do this weekend, and I have a few ideas for you to reject."

"I stay awake all night worrying about my insomnia, doctor!"

"No kidding. Tell me about it."

"Trust me: It's benign."

'I'm worried about job security and I don't even have a job yet!'

The pessimist and the paranoid

Meredith Smits. Devoted wife, mother and worry wart. Did I leave the iron on?...

'On the good side though, it IS close to the office!'

"Anyway, all you'll need to worry about soon is which direction the wind is blowing."

'Take two of these, stuff them waaaay up your nostrils and leave them there until you've paid your bill from three months ago.'

"No, son, I don't know what decisions will be made about your social security. Good night."

Time for my four o'clock cookie

'What did I tell you kids about swimming in the cement hole?'

"My goodness, Henry! Take your scarf! You'll catch your death by cold!"