Accident Scene Aficionado Gifts

Treacle leaking from a crashed tanker

The first car accident.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

Oedipus

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

The hall of bad ideas.

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

"Fasten your seat belt."

"It's called being preemptive."

Hanging Mime - Such a waste of talent.

Crash test dummy employee of the month.

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

'Bob, I was just trying to get you on the phone to see what all that noise outside was about.'

Drop dead gorgeous

"The third act could use more drama, Sophocles. Try putting in a voter referendum."

" . . . the victim was slowly roasted until golden brown and then. . . Oh my gawd! Stuffed with bread and savory herbs and spices!"

"You realize, I guess, that you've left your DNA on that."

Crime

The guardrail brings it up to code.

Crash Test Dummy Jokes that Get Old Fast. Oh, no! Somebody cut the brakes! Every single time.

"You see - this machine can cut your work force in half!"

'You're not a very good listener, are you?'

"Sir, I'm afraid there's no easy way to say this..."

'It appears that he was given payback by his trophies.'

'I wish McWit would lead a life of quiet desperation.'

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"Nobody leave this room."

"I take it this is your first day as a scene of crimes officer?"

'Better call the coroner, Mahoney... I can't tell if this is a homicide or some sicko's idea of romance.'

'They're a bit pricey, but on the other hand, I don't have to buy any baby gates.'