Accident Analyzer Gifts

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"Uh-oh, I think I hear a lawsuit."

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Let's see...number 61...the painting's name is 'Calamity'.

'OK, what's the first thing we need to capture in our Job Safety Analysis?' 'Don't tick off TINY!'

"At first I thought it was just coincidence, then I noticed it corresponded perfectly to your shift."

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

Alien crash test dummy emerges from downed UFO.

"Unfortunately, what we thought to be the black box turned out to be the navy blue box"

'The car has power steering... but the driver doesn't!'

'I need the welder to fix the guard on that pump.'

"Accelerate forward into that brick wall."

Fire Sprinkler Manufacturing

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

'I can't understand it. I was driving one way on a one way street.'

"The latest car safety data is in, and it's still really really bad to crash into things."

Half of those who made no donations last year 'do not trust charities'.

"You know what's about to happen and you still got in the car. But yet I'm called the dummy."

'Bob, call you back. A big auto body job just drove in.'

'I don't like being a crash test dummy either but there are some jobs humans won't do.'

"Back in the day, I did that for a living. . ."

"Wow...a new study came out and it says 60% of house fly deaths are from swattings. We may want to consider moving outdoors."

'What's the point of insurance if you don't use it?'

'Oh come on, a little touch up paint and a soft cloth, I can buff that out.'

Lawyer to client about crash test dummy: 'We did a driving record search, and needless to say, we struck gold.'

'It appears he caught his tie. Let's mark this one down as a victim of fashion.'

Crash test dummy - "You f**king idiot! Why didn't you crash into me back there?!"

"Somehow I thought the whole thing would be a lot classier!"

'Do you think the car pool manager will notice ?'

"Good God. My wife and my best friend."