Safety Analyst Gifts

"Wow...a new study came out and it says 60% of house fly deaths are from swattings. We may want to consider moving outdoors."

Fire Sprinkler Manufacturing

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

Time Out For Teddy

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

"We'll get there when we get there!"

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

No caption (A crash test dummy in the shape of a bird flies toward a window. Other birds dressed as scientists study the experiment from the ground).

'Mind you don't wake the baby.'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"The sign ruins our surprise attack, but it's a big OSHA fine if we don't have it."

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

Crash Test Dummy Blues

Nuclear waste.

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

Job Safety - Hardhat.

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

'Remember, before entering, make sure you wipe your feet on the hazmat.'

"Seriously Dad, it totally wasn't my fault."

Computer Controlled Car

The man in the big yellow hat remedies George's curiosity once and for all,

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

"If they can rig emissions tests, why can't they fake crash tests too?"

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

"I've got a wall I need to get to, officer."

Is this what they call inherent safety?