Injury Analyzer Gifts

Field hockey injury? A doctor will see you after the football concussion

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'I know just how you feel.'

"At first I thought it was just coincidence, then I noticed it corresponded perfectly to your shift."

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

"I need to relax? Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?"

Steve Bannon

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

'Apparently it's not enough to say that 'lots of people think we do a jolly good job' anymore.'

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

"Repetitive strain injury?...theres a lot of it about."

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

"...And your underpants were unusually clean for someone who got hit by a bus."

'I think I may be an adrenaline junkie.'

A prediction.

Fire Sprinkler Manufacturing

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

'I can't understand it. I was driving one way on a one way street.'

Half of those who made no donations last year 'do not trust charities'.

"Don't high five the lion again."

Break it like Beckham

'Bob, call you back. A big auto body job just drove in.'

"Wow...a new study came out and it says 60% of house fly deaths are from swattings. We may want to consider moving outdoors."

'What's the point of insurance if you don't use it?'

'Oh come on, a little touch up paint and a soft cloth, I can buff that out.'

The future Supreme Court - Dominated by republcns and George W Bush.

Lawyer to client about crash test dummy: 'We did a driving record search, and needless to say, we struck gold.'

"What happened?" "I kept my eye on the ball."

"Uh-oh, I think I hear a lawsuit."

'Do you think the car pool manager will notice ?'

"Okay fair is fair, you can help select judges - pick two."

'This is looking less and less like leg cramps and more and more like a career-ending injury.'