Impact Analyzer Gifts

Half of those who made no donations last year 'do not trust charities'.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Pandora's boxes

Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Intelligent Sexual Design

You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs died off. This time It's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."

"At first I thought it was just coincidence, then I noticed it corresponded perfectly to your shift."

"I need to relax? Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?"

'Of course I love her - but I'm not in love with her.'

'Apparently it's not enough to say that 'lots of people think we do a jolly good job' anymore.'

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you."

"Arrows won't work on him. Use a taser."

Field hockey injury? A doctor will see you after the football concussion

"You seem calm above the surface, but underneath I feel as if you're paddling like hell away from me."

'I think I may be an adrenaline junkie.'

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

"What do you mean, you didn't know I wanted a divorce? Don't you follow me on social media?"

Asteroid Trajectory Assessment.

"Damn it, when things were going well there was nothing but eye contact."

'To be honest, the only reason I don't leave her is because she takes my penalty points on her licence.'

"Alpha Male."

'Entering Krentville -Dystopia of the northeast'

Corona or Hunger

Man Locked in a Heart

"I've concluded a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...."

Prices Plummet

Rejected resumes.

"Uh-oh, I think I hear a lawsuit."

"Good God. My wife and my best friend."

'I keep my wife under the bed.'

'You're too perfect, Lester - you're NOTHING to gossip about!'