Incident Analysis Gifts

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'The recession is over, again.'

"And, of course, this is when all our loose change fell out of our pockets."

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

Business Outlook

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

'See, Jimmy, as the population grows too dense, the rats begin to brutalize each other...'

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

Export

Let's see...number 61...the painting's name is 'Calamity'.

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

'OK, what's the first thing we need to capture in our Job Safety Analysis?' 'Don't tick off TINY!'

"At first I thought it was just coincidence, then I noticed it corresponded perfectly to your shift."

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

New research on streetcrime

"Well, there it is in black and white - we're in the red."

'I'm keen on precise statistics as the next person...'

'Stocks soared on news a financial lobbyist wants 'greed' dropped as one of the cardinal sins.'

Chernobyl, 30th anniversary

"It was around here we felt the force of el nino."

The End is Relative

'Do you want to watch the stock market channel: 'The best of times'...or the News channel: 'The worst of times?''

Chairman, Wiz Washing Powders - When he saw the sales figures he went white.

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

'Overwhelm the facts with interpretation and have it on my desk Thursday.'