Report Analysis Gifts

"What's your pleasure, accurate yet depressing or upbeat but delusional?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Reading my Critics

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"