Reports Gifts

"After months of analysis, all departments have concluded when you're hot, you're hot, when you're not, you're not."

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

Trump pardons

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Silence of the Chickens...

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Difference of Opinion

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Meet the Enemy

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"We won!"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

CIA report

A little bird told me...

Loan Alley

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'