News Reports Gifts

'Let me rephrase your question and answer with a 10 second sound bite to catch the next news cycle.'

'Breaking news. . . I've just found out my wife has left me.'

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

Squeezing the Free Press.

They're Not Just That Into It

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Trump pardons

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

"We won!"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

CIA report

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

Loan Alley

A little bird told me...