Accent Humorist Gifts

'I reckon your scouse accent has really got it flummoxed!'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Torturing the English Language

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"Say 'eh.'"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"A haand gel...!?"

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Psychiatry. I have an irrational fear of words like "and," "or," "but" and "if"! And, conjunctivitis!

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

An English and French student converse.

"This quarterly report is terrible. The only way we can make this sound better is if we read it in an English accent."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"It's obviously an original."

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"