Abstinence Pledge Gifts

"Pinocchio! Save yourself - for marriage!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'Doctor, the patient would like to know when he can return to being an overbearing, stressed-out pig?'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

'I finally kicked the fire breathing habit, now I'm stuck on mints and I'm gaining weight.'

"I'll do whatever it takes to save this marriage. Even if that means having to work weekends."

'Yes, your wedding vows are still binding even if you DID get married during the Clinton administration.'

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"I tried change, it didn't work."

Talking about smoking to a therapist who is a smoker.

Comfort Zone Lady Leaving a Room.

A man tries to avoid going over the waterfall of alcohol dependence.

How To Keep Promises

Rodin's Nailbiter.

'OK, I see you've worked as a driving instructor for the past 23 years.'

"Our rule of thumb is: if it tastes good, don't eat it."

"I graduated summa cum laude caffeine-free, I'll have you know."

The trouble with trying to quit smoking.

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

'Ten patches! That is the worse smoking habit I ever seen!'

'Stop repeating yourself, Brown!'