Absentee Voter Pillows

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

Anger Management - Now Treating "Electoral College Rage"

"How come I can't remember what I forget, but I always remember that I forgot something!"

"I read an unforgettable book! Unfortunately, I don't remember the title and the author..."

"They need to come up with an app that will locate your glasses."

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

On - Undecided - Off switch

Two uses for ten minutes in America.

"I keep forgetting it's not Christmas,"

"We may need a clearer message."

'I forgot my keys!'

'I forgot to turn on the gravity this morning.'

"Can he call you back? He's meditating."

'Darn! - Don't you hate it when you forget what you were meditating about?'

"It's an unknown parasite, frozen for thousands of years in a cube of—hey, where is it?"

The Guy Who Mixed Up His To-Do List And His Bucket List

'He's forgotten his key again!'

'Sure, I worry about non-voters. I worry that someday they may vote!'

"Not so much a 'Don't know' more a 'Couldn't Care Less'."

Election 'Dunvotin'

"I can't find my chi!"

Welcome: Forgetful Persons Anonymous.

Something Missing

'He catches all kinds of things when he's fishing...colds...flu...lumbago...rheumatism...'

"Every password I've ever had."

Mum! Where are my slippers? - 'I don't know, sweet heart.' - 'I can't find them...' - 'Where have you looked?' - 'Oh, I'm wearing them...' - 'My son, the child genius.' -

How do you remember your lock combination?

City Library: "Oh-oh - I left 'Left behind' behind!"

"You got me flowers for our anniversary? How sweet, hone...and this year you're only three weeks past the actual date!"

"Since 1954, I've lost five sets of keys, eleven wallets, nine pairs of gloves, and thirty-two ball-point pens. Has any of that stuff ever turned up?"