Stand-up Voter Pillows

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Snowprov

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Applause

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

"I've always wanted to do this - 'knock, knock...who's there?'"

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'I'm not saying I'm honest -- I'm saying that I'm afraid of getting caught!'

'I know I was just here yesterday, but the courts ordered a recount.'

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'The stand-up geneticist'

'This has been quite a year for Washington, D. C.... worst snowstorm in history AND the worst snow job!'

The Stand-Up Gastroenterologist

Stand up comedy for four-year-olds.

Comedy course highlights fake nose

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"And, in this corner, weighing five pounds more than she'd like..."

"You're gonna love this guy's act. He's, like, 'not funny, funny, not funny.'"

Dry Blood Humor

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

Bob the comedy elephant,thanked the hyenas for being a wonderful audience.