Standup Spectator Pillows

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Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Applause

Beer Order

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

'Hey, hey, hey!'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

A convenient attack of swine flu...

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

Bob Monkhouse

Jack in the Box Reading Joke Book.

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

"Any kids here tonight? Oh, wait... I guess not...since I didn't see any on the menu."

Foam finger gets stuck up a foam nose.

'I only come to the game for the half time entertainment and snack bar privileges.'