Standup Spectator Gifts

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Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Applause

'Hey, hey, hey!'

Beer Order

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

Jack in the Box Reading Joke Book.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

Football drummer

'I only come to the game for the half time entertainment and snack bar privileges.'

Foam finger gets stuck up a foam nose.