Stock Spectator Gifts

"Retail shares just went up ten percent. My wife must have gone shopping this morning!"

The day the stock market went UP.

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'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"I AM at my usual position."

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

"I don't think those are authentic, either, bud."

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

'Why is laying around watching movies considered cozy, but laying around watching football is considered lazy?'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

Stock market worries.