Stand-up Advocate Pillows

'Isn't this better? I told you we could change things if we just stood up to them!'

Snowprov

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Applause

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Twitter censorship

'What'll it be?'

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

Freedom Book.

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Nick Offerman

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Clive Anderson

Jack in the Box Reading Joke Book.

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

Weapens of Mass Instruction

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

"And don't forget 'the right to shoot your damn fool mouth off'."

'The stand-up geneticist'

Stand up comedy for four-year-olds.

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

Comedy course highlights fake nose

The Stand-Up Gastroenterologist

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'